If only life came with Instructions!

Sometimes, I feel like I'm totally fine with life, and I'm finally seeing the way I need to walk. Other times, Like right now I feel extremely lost as If my whole life is just one big circle. I'm always asking friends that I trust about this problem that I can not seem to solve when it comes to love. Should I or Shouldn't I? I find it very hard to speak up and say what I want out of fear that everything around me will come crashing down. If you are stable and semi-happy should you rock the boat to gain all? I still have yet to figure this out. I am taken by (let just call them life for right now) Life and the only reason I am not saying anything is for their sake. If I had my way I would have spoken at least three years ago lol. I just don't want to turn Life's life upside down. I don't want to create the feeling that I am some beautiful mirage. The fear is making me think on staying or leaving, not because I want to but because my life will be one complete circle If I don't speak up soon. Not to mention that I may end up hurting life in the middle of all of this. Forever? and No matter what? are just not adding up when I think of all of this. Uggggh FML I swear.

On the topic of Love I can only look in the mirror and see the image of me being mocked by none other than........Myself. Myself is laughing and pointing saying things like "You're not good enough!" and "You'll never be good enough". I have this huge dream in my head that I once thought was in the realm of possibility, but now I'm starting to doubt the whole basis of this dream. I have to learn to move on....That's what my mind keeps telling me, but my heart wont let me. I want this to work out more than anything in the entire world but I just don't want to mess everything up. Crying almost everyday about it has to stop sometime, right? I only wish I could find this other person in the world that could bring me the same amount of happiness, and joy without all the fear of consequence. Im hoping that there is such a person who could take my mind completely off Life. This other person will love me deeply and I will love them back. No more, no less.

Any suggestions on how to proceed and progress my life will be taken with great appreciation.
(Sigh) If only life came with instructions.