Take it all with you

Hi loves,

Just want to say that I've been away working on myself. Promise I'm not neglecting you by not posting. Time is all I needed to see where I stand in this world. Recently, I've jumped back into something that I probably shouldn't have, but I don't regret it.

S decided that she didn't mean what she said about not loving me anymore. It's funny how things change with us in an instant, which is still too long for me. Loving S with all of me has never really stopped. She finally took me up on my offer to go see T.wilight. That's when I realized I can't do this again. It's so ironic that everything I wanted for us is coming to fruition. While we were okay, I would push moving to LA and getting an apartment. Now I'm moving to LA alone and she wants to now, but "its so expensive". Are you seeing how this would have been ten times easier if she wasn't so afraid of being seen as ( sarcastic gulp) "gay".

Really, I know I can't speak for anyone else when they say coming out and being who you are, adds some hurdles that you have to overcome. I just can't stand the fact that us actually being together, being in love like we naturally were, would have made the logistics of her life (I don't care about mines) way easier. That's where I think the S wanting to try again stuff came from out of the blue. Just like her mother who did nothing but use people (including pinpointing me to in get words "get whatever S wanted") to get through everyday life.

S I'm writing to let you (and my blog friends) know that I'm not here to make your life convenient anymore. Yes I'm still very much in love with you, I wanted us so bad, still do sometimes. YOU and you alone decided that "US" wasn't the life for you. I hope you have a great time dealing with that decision because I am not willing nor am I able to fall back into the "a little more than bff's" type of relationship with you. I'm drained of everything. I know you love me but I can't let you take it all...again.