And I just realized...

That I am totally fine with being "without you"!!!
Not like I had a choice, I can feel it coming, or it probably already has come for all I know. I believe wholeheartedly that I am perfectly fine with S being with who and whatever she wants to be!!!
Everyone has been behind me, helping me not jump off a bridge. I love them all for that I really do. A friend from across the pond helped me so much with seeing things. Thank you so much rach! You know first hand what I'm going through you sent me hugs and would message as often as you could living in two different time zones. That's a friends right there.
My boys! What can I say about my boys but you guys were the best additions to my life. I'm never letting any of you go! You may not understand every single thing I'm going through but you make me stronger every day! You guys open your hearts to me. One guy in particular helped me with one simple quote; "You start to see the real side of people, when Shit-Gets-Real!".
My bff rickee I already thanked you but what the hell!? I love you so much for offering me hope and telling me to stfu things could be worst. They really could be worst!

Ashley, you've been getting me through this spiral for I don't know how long! Really, I don't know how long. Of course I expected you to be there for me like I was there for you. Thank you for being so fucking real! I could totally see our friendship taking off to great heights and you staying a huge part of my life! You are officially apart of my wedding party in my head!

Wegan, omg you have been so amazing to me! I just want to let you two know that you are my inspiration of what love is supposed to be. Love has no bounds, and if two people love each other, they can face anything, no matter what! I want somebody true like that for me!!

I can't thank K.Y. enough! She is my savior. She knows what life is like! I thank her for being such an inspirational woman and letting me know that everything will be ok. You would validate my hurt but offer me visions of what I have to look forward to and who I am. It really means a lot coming from you.

I was told tons of times that I'm so pretty and will have no problem reeling in my fish out of the sea! I'm now starting to look at that! I'm gorgeous, have a lot to offer, not self conscious by any means, not too shy, smart, funny, not a social outcast, and I have a lot of true love to give! Screw the bs of the past, I'm quite excited to be on this adventure to my hearts desire, my TRUE other half!

I know I can't just shut S out of my life because she was such a big part of it. I just have to be the bigger person and get over who she really is to me now. Our friendship will never be the same and I am going to have to work very hard to overcome everything but I was telling the truth when I said I always want her in my life. I'm going to be the one to stick to my word. It's just gonna take me forever to forgive her, and if she really is sorry she'll wait that much longer to be forgiven. I'm trying so hard everybody! I really am.

-Kira


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