Today is a little better

I no longer have the urge to vomit every five minutes or the feeling that this is all just a horrible nightmare that I can't wake up from. Eating is still an issue for me, I just don't want to. Getting out of bed was the hardest part yesterday. By 4pm mustered up the strength to get out of the house to do my taxes, not grabbing any breakfast. Finally settling in back home at 6pm I had nothing but chicken noodle soup. It seems like the crying will never end, and I whole heartedly blame my self for loving and trusting her so much. I feel like its my fault for giving everything up and trusting her again.

When I'm hurt, the first thing I tend to do is wish bad things on the person that hurt me. I wanted so bad to wish that the boy she wants to shack up with, hurts her as bad as she hurt me. I feel like I want to see her hurt and crying every single minute. I cried changing the channel from the bachelor because I knew what it felt like to be cut so deep, I didn't want to watch it happen to somebody else. (Reality television is so fake though) Everything bad a guy can do to a girl in a relationship is what I wanted to wish on her, but I can't. A while ago I started to see that wishing bad things on people, is like throwing sand at them on a windy day, it just comes back and hits you in the face. I don't want bad things for her, but right now I can't say I want good things for her. Throughout this whole ordeal I feel so lied to and I hate every minute that I waste a tear on it. I just want to feel better, when will I ever feel better?